35 of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week (June 22, 2024)

Advertisement
  • 01
    Sesame Chiccen @Loccdawggg Done turned blastoise into Cedric the entertainer O 285 Corleone Father's Day mood: @285Slim 1d PokeMoy UNITE 11:07 AM 6/13/24 From Earth 2.4M Views 7.9K Reposts 187 Quotes 50K Likes 1.5K Bookmarks
  • 02
    Au(a) @giamorx Men are so unserious. My brother's friend had an allergic reaction all over his skin so they are now calling him 'Rashford'. 7:51 PM 6/14/24 From Earth - 4.5M Views 9.2K Reposts 1.3K Quotes
  • 03
    Devon @devonzuegel Need to get this flag for my office WE DO THIS NOT BECAUSE IT IS EASY, BUT BECAUSE WE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE EASY 1:49 AM · 6/14/24 From Earth • 3M Views
  • 04
    AD. >>> @danniphantumm why washing machine minutes don't be real minutes? 11:23 AM 6/17/24 From Earth • 3.5M Views 12K Reposts 919 Quotes 144K Likes 2.1K Bookmarks Milo 27 @goldenboi333.12h "Your clothes will be clean in 40 minutes" Okay, *set timer for 40 minutes* *come back to clothes in 40 minutes* "Your clothes will be ready in 28 minutes" ????? → 7 158 10K Il 141K ☐
  • 05
    blyan @murderxbryan I found a guy today on Reddit that goes into the loss prevention subreddit and brags about how he is always stealing cheesecakes from Costco. He's the cheesecake joker. He even tells them how he's doing it 9:26 PM 6/17/24 From Earth • 14M Views . 7.9K Reposts 473 Quotes
  • 06
    @theesexyvirgo I can't stand hippocrips • 11:25 PM 6/12/24 From Earth • 12M Views 4.7K Reposts 479 Quotes 58K Likes 2.3K Bookmarks 27 @404rik. 2d say it to his face Σ 企 ...
  • 07
    Patrick Lenton @PatrickLenton The third Jennifer will appear at midnight, and tell him about the future if he doesn't change his ways Page Page Six @PageSix.2d Jennifer Lopez and Jennifer Garner spotted arriving at Ben Affleck's rental home amid his marital woes trib.al/hWrgDan 8:05 AM 6/14/24 From Earth 7.4M Views .
  • 08
    khushi @khushkhushkhush 60 min uber or 5 min helicopter ride - literally a $30 difference @flybladenow Fares are slightly higher due to increased demand Comfort 3:57 PM 4 min away Faster Departs - Sun, Jun 16 - Today 2:20PM Arrives 2:25PM West 30th St JFK $153.04 BLADE Lounge West Airport Xcel: Bell 407 Order #270551 Total $165.00 UberX 4 $131.99 3:57 PM 4 min away Passengers khushi suri UberXL $172.13 3:59 PM 6 min away Email Order Receipt 2:58 PM 6/16/24 From Earth 2.3M Views .
  • 09
    Eli McCann @EliMcCann We are at an adult "pool party" and my husband put on his bathing suit before we came here and I tried to explain to him that no one was actually going to be swimming. Anyway, he is now in the pool by himself while everyone else is standing around the edges sipping cocktails. 7:42 PM 6/14/24 From Earth 6.1M Views 3.8K Reposts 1.4K Quotes •
  • 10
    The Lalolyte @clonehumor We're not talking enough about how two leads of two of the biggest shows this month are Rue from The Hunger Games and the guy that impaled her with a spear 2:40 PM 6/14/24 From Earth • 8.5M Views
  • 11
    kira ❤❤ @kirawontmiss LMFAOOOO British people are so weak man 26°C All Images Videos News Maps x a All regions Safe search: moderate Any time 26 Celsius Mirr The Mirror ↑↓ 78.8 Fahrenheit @DailyMirror -2d UK to be blasted by 48 hour 26C heatwave with five cities in England the hottest mirror.co.uk/news/uk- news/u...
  • 12
    Average Dad @Average_Dad1 My wife deleted social media off her phone recently. Today I caught her scrolling through her venmo feed like an alcoholic drinking listerine. 9:35 AM 6/15/24 From Earth . 1.6M Views 2.1K Reposts 264 Quotes 62K Likes 1.3K Bookmarks
  • 13
    Nature is Amazing C @AMAZINGNATURE Today I learned that in Finland they use to have about 4,000 reindeer/ car accidents a year so they paint their antlers with reflective paint and this is vaguely terrifying 11:50 AM 6/15/24 From Earth 2.3M Views 2.9K Reposts 428 Quotes •
  • 14
    doomer @uncledoomer im watching criminal minds and george costanza just showed up in the most insane hair job ive ever seen . 2:55 PM 6/19/24 From Earth • 1.9M Views
  • 15
    Kara Zor-El @DCUSupergirl I watch Shazam Fury of the Gods for the plot. The Plot: 11:15 AM 6/17/24 From Earth • 10M Views .
  • 16
    PRIYA GAWHANE @PriyaGawhane The most useless notification I have ever seen in LinkedIn You appeared in 367 searches this week Daniel Abrahams Woah. So where's my job? 3:32 PM 6/17/24 From Earth . 4.7M Views
  • 17
    Historic Vids @historyinmemes Here is a visual of every major geography term Iceberg Fjord Sea Cape Forest Bay Lake Basin Hill Valley Plain Waterfall Prairie Swamp Rain Forest Jungle Sound Marsh Isthmus Beach Strait Mountain Volcano Glacier Tundra Butte Geyser Plateau Desert Oasis Canyon Mesa River Cave Delta Dune Cliff Coast Channel Peninsula Ocean 6:20 AM 6/18/24 From Earth • 16M Views Gulf Island Archipelago Atoll Lagoon
  • 18
    Ted @Tedoffthegrid The hardest part of being a parent to small children for me is the dumb questions. And it makes me feel like a monster but my kid asked why he couldn't take a vase to daycare and I said "it's glass you can't" and he said "what if a wizard made it not glass" get out of my face 10:49 AM 6/18/24 From Earth 2.8M Views • 4.9K Reposts 956 Quotes
  • 19
    AISE PRAISE DALE Kristi Yamaguccimane @TheWapplehouse what the Dino nuggets in my microwave see at Widdy NMOO N 3am: ehouse I 6:47 PM 6/18/24 From Earth ⚫ 1.6M Views . 3K Reposts 220 Quotes 29K Likes 817 Bookmarks
  • 20
    nico @NicosTwtAccount Gonna start saying "this is going to ruin the tour" as a response to every slight inconvenience in my life MR. POP Mr. Pop @MrPopOfficial .9h We're also told that the cop who pulled Timberlake over "was so young that he didn't. even know" who the 10-time Grammy winner was. "He didn't recognize him or his name," our insider says. A second source adds, "Justin said under his breath, 'This is going to ruin the tour.' The cop replied, 'What tour?' Justin said, 'The world tour."
  • 21
    daphie @foundfamilies i know its not popular in the us but the concept of a whatsapp commercial is crazy to me it's like advertising oxygen Pop Base @PopBase - 15h 'Modern Family' cast reunites for a WhatsApp commercial. 7:48 AM 6/18/24 From Earth 12M Views Ž
  • 22
    crillion @cheeserburger british men stopped wearing this hat some years ago and started getting it as a haircut instead 2:30 AM 6/18/24 From Earth 4.2M Views 9.5K Reposts 471 Quotes .
  • 23
    JLarky ❤ @JLarky two unread emails: - from HR: please fill out our anonymous survey - from Boss: don't forget about the survey, HR said you are the last one from our team 7:46 PM 6/17/24 From Earth 749K Views 1.2K Reposts 126 Quotes 20K Likes 557 Bookmarks
  • 24
    Kat Lo @lolkat When Netflix releases a BetterHelp expose, I wonder who will be in the inevitable supercut of all the influencers advertising it 12:33 AM 6/17/24 From Earth 5.3M Views 6.3K Reposts 875 Quotes
  • 25
    h @ipodmacbook bagel place had "cream cheese tomato pickle" on the menu and I thought ok maybe they know something I don't so I got it. they don't know this is clown food
  • 26
    Evan Hill @evanhill wife switches to officer-involved passive voice when she's made a mistake one of the vases just shattered everywhere it fell 5:39 PM 6/18/24 1.5M Views how
  • 27
    Matthew Elliot @matttbastard still learning marykaybymarybrown 8,439 Follow о 97 Did you guys know it's illegal to take controlled substances across the Canadian border without a prescription? 68 years young and I'm still learning. THANK GOD FOR MY Mary KayⓇ Creme Lipstick in Apple Berry for helping me get through it. DM me for a consultation. #marykaycosmetics 6,767
  • 28
    Corn✩* @upblissed might throw sumn on the grill Pop Base @PopBase 23h One year ago today, the OceanGate submersible went missing on its way to visit the Titanic. OceanGate TITAN 3:45 PM 6/18/24 From Earth 1.6M Views . 1.3K Reposts 15 Quotes 23K Likes 379 Bookmarks
  • 29
    Lucius @LuciusTheSaint *receives salary* I should stick to my budget this month @paddyjobsman My Lord, are you not the master of chaos? The unstoppable force of nature? The world is ablaze, spend thy coin. and spare no expense this day, for there is no promise of tomorrow 11:13 AM 6/15/24 From Earth • 928K Views 2.4K Reposts 145 Quotes
  • 30
    @KedgeOnline @KedgeOnline *getting ready for the Euros* Me: man, I'm stoked for this Austria/Hungary match Guy from 1911: me too, who are they playing? 8:26 PM 6/13/24 From Earth . 1.8M Views 2.5K Reposts 114 Quotes 51K Likes 1.1K Bookmarks
  • 31
    Luhaenten @luhaenten I regret to inform you that the secret to appearing well-read is to read. 1:30 PM 6/18/24 1.5M Views . 8.1K Reposts 399 Quotes 73K Likes 3K Bookmarks
  • 32
    jxf@mastodon.social @jxxf Optimist: The glass is 12 full. Pessimist: The glass is 12 empty. Excel: The glass is January 2nd. 1:33 PM 5/7/22 • 24K Reposts 892 Quotes.
  • 33
    non aesthetic things @PicturesFolder Bro got his spotter from Temu MA NICH STA 6:00 AM 6/16/24 From Earth 6.8M Views • SALTYC 습
  • 34
    allie++ @bookberryfairy why can't i find normal clothes anymore why is it all either $5 for a scrap of polyester produced in evil ways or $200 for a basic shirt 2:54 PM 6/18/24 1.2M Views 5.4K Reposts 323 Quotes 71K Likes 1.5K Bookmarks
  • 35
    Dan Nouement @nomanautomata They need to create a job that's 4 hours of programming in the morning and 4 hours of mindlessly loading boxes onto a truck in the afternoon. 6:21 PM 6/18/24 From Earth • 2.6M Views • 3.7K Reposts 528 Quotes

Tags

Scroll Down For The Next Article